


Star

by wenderpul



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 08:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18546175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wenderpul/pseuds/wenderpul
Summary: In this world, everyone is a lone star. But some stars find themselves in constellations while the others continue shining alone.Wendy is a tired star that is fading away.





	Star

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING.There may be allusions/direct mentions of incidents related to depression, suicidal tendencies and self-harm. Suicide is supposed to be the major theme for this particular fiction but I hope in the end, you'll find hope instead of being in despair. Some parts of the stories are based on true events and it was difficult for me to write too. In the end, may hope and love wins over the demons that are chasing after you.

Wendy was not sure when it started to go wrong.

 

She was a straight As student, an outgoing social butterfly, a loving daughter and she was the model of what everyone should aim to be, at least according to her peers’ parents.

 

So why was she standing at the edge of a tall building right now, peeking down and actually contemplated on jumping?

 

If she jumped, no one would noticed until it was too late. It was past midnight anyway. And the voices in her head was quiet for once. It was different from the usual shouts of being not good enough, of being a mistake.

 

Of being Wendy.

 

For her parents, Wendy was not good enough. For her teachers, she was a troublemaker. For her friends, Wendy was the one who chose love over friendship and should not be trusted. For Seulgi, she was a burden, a nuisance.

 

For herself, she was nothing.

 

* * *

 

Wendy let the wind washed over her body and she shivered a little from the cold. She was never good with the cold weather; it was a bit of an irony since she had been in Canada for so long. Her school was very dark at night and she could see the stars in the sky, twinkling in their positions.

 

Some stars belonged to constellations.

 

What about the other stars? What was their purpose in the sky? Who looked at them and decided that they were nothing, that they were not worth it to be put into any constellations? They could be lonely too, watching some stars clustered together, proudly shining and being admired by humans for being a part of something beautiful.

 

Probably they did not care in the first place.

 

Or maybe they had given up on trying to be noticed.

 

* * *

 

**“Your sister is cleverer than you.”**

 

It was not only one time.

 

It happened over and over again, Wendy had lost count. Every time it was uttered, Wendy just gave a light smile and nodded in acknowledgement. They were right anyway. Seunghee was going to be a pharmacist and she was brilliant in music too. Wendy wanted to be a musician and no matter how good she was, she would never be able to overpower the bright sun that was Son Seunghee.

 

She never despised Seunghee, not for a single moment. She might be sad and resented her failure as her parents’ youngest daughter but she loved her elder sister more than anything else in the world. Seunghee was the one who would hold her hand in the car tightly, with her jaw tightened when their parents started to compare them to each other. Seunghee would be the one who wrapped her up in a blanket and hugged her during the nights she cried herself to sleep. Seunghee was the one who would always listen to her ramblings with a smile and answered patiently to all of her questions.

 

Seunghee loved her and it did not matter whether she was Wendy or Seungwan. And because she loved her older sister too; she did not hold her back.

 

When Seunghee told her that she was leaving the house and moved somewhere else to pursue her dreams, Wendy almost fell apart. She did not realize how much she depended on her sister until the day when Seunghee sat her down and told her with worried eyes that she was going to leave the house. Wendy’s insides were shredded but she forced a smile on her face and reassured the older that she would be fine, after all, she was no longer the small, middle school kid who would hide behind her confident and outspoken older sister.

 

It did not matter how many times her parents compared them after Seunghee left. Wendy knew that if she asked her sister to stay, she would do it in a heartbeat and would regret nothing. But because she was brave enough to let Seunghee go, her sister grew to be someone that everyone could be proud of. And she was proud of her sister too, no matter what anyone said.

 

Wendy was dispensable anyway, unlike her older sister.

 

* * *

 

**“You’re not creative at all.”**

 

Wendy was a musician. Sometimes she composed her own songs. She could not explain how much this hurt her, as she put in her every effort and worked hard for every single composition. She could have handled it if it came from someone else, someone insignificant and jealous of her achievement but this was said by her own mother.

 

Her mother was a musician too and when she looked at Wendy’s arrangement with her scrunched brows and uttered those words, Wendy felt a sharp pain piercing her chest but she still smiled and chuckled in front of her. She joked saying that she would have to learn more and tried harder, when her insides were screaming in defeat and the only thought in her mind was to burn every single one of her composition and stopped making music altogether.

 

But she could not do so.

 

Not when every time she saw her parents, one of them would always ask on her progress with piano. Some days, her trumpet. Another, her flute. Everyone could play guitar, so her being able to play guitar was not special at all.

 

Wendy was someone who could not bring anything new in this world.

 

* * *

 

**“You abandon your best friend because of Seulgi. What kind of disgusting person are you?”**

 

When Wendy was 15, she fell in love for the first time.

 

People thought 15 was too young for love but that was not how it felt with Seulgi. Seulgi was…everything for her.

 

When things became too much for her, she would turn to Seulgi’s embrace and for a moment, nothing could harm her. If the voices in her head got louder, Seulgi would sing and kept them at bay. When Seulgi smiled, Wendy was mesmerised and a smile would slowly form on her face without her even realizing it. They would make sure that the last thing they did every night was to bid each other goodnight and their mornings would start with sweet morning wishes. Wendy gave Seulgi everything she could and she thought Seulgi did too. With their hands intertwined, Wendy thought she had nothing to fear.

 

It was them against the world. Even when the whole world was against Wendy, as long as she had Seulgi, she would be fine.

 

That was the thought that isolated Wendy from the rest of people she thought were her friends. One by one, they left her. Or she left them. The details were blurry, as days after days she spent with Seulgi, she broke another promise and turned down every chance she got to make things right. She only realized what she had lost when the day she arrived in class at the morning of her birthday, no one greeted her. No one bothered, even Yeri, the person she regarded as her best friend.

 

She sat at her assigned seat in daze that day. She had a fight with Seulgi the night before and even her own girlfriend did not text her a single birthday text. She tried to talk to Yeri but the girl just excused herself before walking away from Wendy and joined her, _their_ group of friends and Wendy could only watch as they walked away together, chatting and laughing as if she did not even exist.

 

Wendy gripped her fist tightly and stared defiantly ahead. She was determined to not let anyone saw that they had gotten to her.

 

Wendy was someone who abandoned her friends because she put love over everything, so why should she be forgiven?

 

* * *

 

**“Your grandpa would have been ashamed of the person you've become.”**

 

Before Seunghee and Seulgi, Wendy had her grandpa.

 

When her parents hovered over her too much and suffocated her, when Seunghee was busy with school, when she had nowhere else to turn to, she would go to her grandfather’s house. Her grandfather had lived alone ever since her grandmother passed away and out of all of his grandchildren, Wendy was the only one who would visit him regularly.

 

He would greet Wendy with his toothless smile and accompanied her to watch TV while chatting heartily, happy with her granddaughter’s presence. He would take out his old bicycle and took Wendy around the neighbourhood with it. Whenever he had to go to the market, he would bring her along and proudly introduced everyone he knew to his youngest granddaughter. Wendy loved being surrounded by the elders in the market who recognized her by sight and would greet her enthusiastically. With her grandfather, she was safe and loved.

 

Her grandfather knew things were tough for Wendy at home and Wendy pretended not to know but she had overheard him telling her parents to be easy on her; not that it would ever happen. Her parents were chasing for perfection and Wendy needed to mirror this alongside Seunghee. No matter how hard it was, Wendy did not mind trying to play the role that her parents had set on her. Her parents were not her utmost importance; she was going to make her grandfather proud of her so that he would bring her to the market with a lot of aunties and uncles again one day and showed her off to them.

 

The day he passed away, Wendy lost a huge part of herself.

 

When she watched the casket being lowered to the ground, she had to remind herself over and over again that she should not jump and lay in the ground with him. She gripped her dress tightly and when Seunghee unravelled her grip and intertwined their fingers together, Wendy felt herself relaxed.

 

But the relief was temporary.

 

She would cry herself to sleep night after night without anyone knowing, as crying was seen as a weakness and in the Son’s household, weakness was not tolerated. Wendy resorted to crying when she was showering and learned the art of hiding the signs of crying early. She learned how to smile brightly and laughed even when she did not mean any of it and she knew then that no one liked an unhappy person. So she kept on smiling.

 

With Seulgi, she could let her guards down. She could talk about her fears and insecurities and because she trusted Seulgi with everything she had, she told her first love about her grandfather, the most important person in her life. She bared her soul and Seulgi accepted them all.

 

Until Seulgi could not hold it in anymore.

 

During one of their arguments, she had told Wendy that her grandpa would have been disappointed with person Wendy had become and Wendy did not know that words could feel like a punch in the gut until that day. Seulgi had apologized later but Wendy had never really forgiven her. She knew Wendy’s major weakness and she actually attacked that weak point in a moment of a spiteful argument.

 

Wendy built herself slowly after her grandfather’s death. She took years to stop crying at the thought of their memories and to learn to open up to people again. Seulgi’s words destroyed years of her effort and took her back to square one, when she had no confidence to even look at people in the eyes after her grandfather’s passing.

 

She told Seulgi that it was fine but since then, she had secretly developed a little hate for Seulgi because she knew how dangerous Seulgi was for her. The worse thing was, she still could not leave Seulgi because no matter how bad their relationship had become, she loved Seulgi still and depended on her too much.

 

Which was why when one day Seulgi met her one day with a gloomy face, Wendy knew just how much a person could be broken yet could still be breathing.

 

**“I think I’m in love with someone else now.”**

 

 

The wind was blowing stronger now and Wendy’s slim figure swayed slightly. She was not scared at all. She just looked at the stars, noticing those that were not in any constellations and she silently counted each one of them. She did not hear the footsteps approaching her and she noticed a little too late when someone wrapped their arms around her waist and yanked her down.

 

She fell on top of the newcomer and a yelp of pain was heard. Wendy felt dizzy but she felt herself being pushed aside before she was pinned down again by someone. Locks of black hair curtained her face and she found herself staring into the eyes of Bae Irene, one of her seniors who graduated high school two years ago but she still visited the school regularly for her dance club as her college was near the school.

 

Why would she be in school late at night? And why would she come to the rooftop?

 

Irene was panting hard, as if she had been running and Wendy could see the sweat running down her face. Wendy had this weird urge to wipe the sweat and pushed Irene’s hair behind her pretty ears but she was too shocked to do anything. Irene should be tired but she looked more pissed off than exhausted.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

 

Irene shouted right in front of her face out of nowhere and Wendy winced. Irene’s expression changed and she moved away from Wendy and sat beside her. Now she was the one who seemed taken aback by her actions. Wendy rose and sat cross-legged on the floor. She traced the mark left on her arm due to Irene’s strong grip and she stared at the scars on her arm for a few moment before she raised her head and looked at Irene.

 

Irene was staring at her arm too, but Wendy knew that Irene was not looking at the fresh mark that was left by her. Instead, her eyes were following the lines that were left by Wendy on herself. Some were old lines and some, she knew, were red and new. Irene’s mouth fell agape and Wendy forced a tiny smile as she crossed her arms on her stomach, hiding them and creating a barrier between herself and Irene.

 

“I think the question should be…why are you here?”

 

Wendy muttered lowly but the wind carried her voice over to Irene. Irene inched closer to Wendy but she flinched away. The older girl stopped and pursed her lips.

 

“I saw you from the convenience store in front of school. I work there on Fridays and Saturdays.”

 

Wendy nodded. She did not realize walking past the convenience store. If she was to be honest, she did not notice anything at all on her way. Her mind was fixated on arriving at the school’s rooftop and she was oblivious to her surroundings. For her, everything still appeared to be in slow motion and unreal. The only one who grounded her to her surroundings right now was Irene. Without her, Wendy would probably still be loss in thoughts, thinking of every single one of her failure and eventually just fell off the roof.

 

She wondered if she would actually jump.

 

“Thanks, I guess.”

 

She spoke carelessly and the rush of anger she watched before seemed to flit to Irene’s face again.

 

“Thanks? Really? After…what you tried to do?”

 

Wendy admired how Irene tried her best to level her voice although she obviously was not calm. Wendy did not answer. Yet, she laid herself flat on the rooftop floor again and gestured for Irene to come and join her. She was not really expecting anything, but she was taken by surprise when the older girl abided and laid beside her. They were both looking at the stars and for a moment, no one spoke until Wendy broke the silence.

 

“I’m in pain, sunbae. Although I’m not sure whether I’m going to actually jump, thank you for showing me that there’s always an alternative that presents itself when I don’t think there is hope left.”

 

Again, silence filled the space between them. Wendy used the moment to trace the sky with her eyes, watching the stars and the moon blanketing the night sky. She wanted to be among them, to take one of the empty spaces between them. Suddenly, Wendy felt a warm hand enveloped her cold one and held her hand tightly, anchoring her to Earth when she felt like flying among the stars.

 

She felt more than see when Irene changed to a sitting position and looked at her. Wendy’s heart was beating fast for reasons she could not comprehend but she trained her eyes on the stars, trying to distract herself from looking into Irene’s dark eyes that shone like stars of their own, contrasting greatly with her fair skin.

 

“Wendy.”

 

Irene’s voice forced Wendy to look at her senior and stopped pretending that she didn’t notice that Irene was staring at her. When their eyes met, Wendy could not read the emotions swirling behind the older girl’s eyes but her heart seemed to sense that something huge was about to happen. The pounding was so loud, Wendy wondered why Irene had not said anything about it yet.

 

Irene caressed Wendy’s bangs lightly with her free hand before she took a deep breath.

 

“Let me help you with your pain.”

 

It felt as if time stopped for a moment as Wendy tried to process Irene’s words.

 

_“What?”_

 

Even in the dark, Wendy could see Irene’s blush and the older girl averted her eyes this time and stared at the sky, her hand never letting go of Wendy’s hand.

 

“Do you…want to be my girlfriend? I know this may seem weird but it’s not something out of the blue. I’ve known you for more than three years now and…although we don’t really talk, I feel like I know you well since Seulgi would always talk about you.”

 

Wendy felt her throat constricted at the thought of Seulgi but she pushed the thought aside, trying to focus on her senior who was currently…confessing? Irene had turned to look at Wendy again.

 

“I’m not sure if you will even remember me if we don’t see each other because of Seulgi. But uh, you left quite an impression on me after our first meeting and I just seem to notice you everywhere.”

 

Flashes of a spring day when she ran into the pretty, unreachable senior came to mind. She thought the days when she avoided the said senior due to embarrassment and being resigned of her fate when she found out that the senior was in the same dance club as her crush. She was reminded of the time Seulgi would try to get them to hang out together and it made sense to her now, how one of them would always find a way to wriggle out of the meetings.

 

But here they were, on the school rooftop, with Wendy at her lowest point in life and Irene who appeared just like a solid ground that was ready to stabilize Wendy.

 

It was tempting to accept the offer, to use Irene as a safety net that would catch her whenever she fell but Irene was more precious to Wendy than what both of them thought. Wendy caught herself before she could say yes. Instead, she shook her head. She watched Irene’s face fell and her grip loosened but Wendy tightened her grip instead.

 

“You’re worth more than a rebound, sunbae. You deserve so much more than a broken person who contemplated suicide up to a moment ago. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself out of a sense of misplaced loyalty and feel a need to heal someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

 

Irene looked exasperated. She had had a lot of time to sort out her feelings and she knew that whatever she felt for Wendy was not temporary, but it was something that deserved a name of its own, just like a newly discovered star. Wendy’s next words calmed the storm that was starting to brew in her heart.

 

“Therefore…let me heal myself first. I have to get my life in order and learn to love myself before I can return your feelings. You deserve someone whole, not just whatever that is left.”

 

“Are…are you saying?”

 

A corner of Wendy’s lips upturned slightly before she broke out a sheepish grin and handed Irene her phone.

 

“Can I get your number? We’ll have to get to know each other first before we can be girlfriends, don’t we?”

 

As Irene fumbled to punch her number in Wendy’s phone, the other girl just watched her amusedly. Wendy exhaled heavily, hoping that it would take off some of the loads she was carrying and cleared her mind. She watched the stars for one last time tonight on the rooftop, as she would invite Irene to take a walk afterwards to clear up both of their minds.

 

Each star shined brightly only for themselves, burning until the end. It did not matter whether humans knew of their existence or not, they would fulfil their purpose as best as they could and left with no regret.

 

Wendy would shine by her own too. She would give it her best, her brightest until there was no time left for her in this world. One day, when she was ready, she might even form a constellation with another lone star; whose light gave strength for Wendy to keep shining even when it became too dark. Until that day came, she would fight to be one of the brightest stars.

 

 

Irene shifted the bouquet of flowers she was holding nervously. It had been more than a year since the day she met Wendy at the rooftop and while they had been constantly in touch since then, Wendy never answered Irene whenever she hinted about her last question before they parted on that day. The girl would avoid the topic and Irene did not want to push it. She realized Wendy was trying to get to know her better and to heal herself and Irene was always there for her. She liked to think that her presence and support accelerated Wendy’s recovery.

 

Wendy was really trying to better herself after that day. She would update Irene regularly on her progress. She had talked to her parents about her feelings and how close she was to make a suicide attempt. Her parents were shocked when they learned of the pent up emotions in their youngest daughter and they wanted to sign her up for sessions with psychiatrist, one she promptly refused.

 

Instead, Wendy promised to be more open about her progress and feelings with her parents. They had to let her try to heal herself first and if she could not make it, she would let them decide what was best – after discussing with her, of course. It was an emotional moment for the family, especially since Wendy’s parents discovered how much pressure they were putting on her. They promised to change; it would not be easy to change their ways after believing in it for so long but for Wendy, they would try. Next, she proceeded into making amends with her friends.

 

Opening up to her friends was easier than Wendy had expected. She talked to Yeri first, explaining about her depression and the things she had went through and Yeri took it upon herself to inform their close friends about Wendy’s condition. They were more understanding, especially since Wendy’s challenges were not too different from their own. They understood that each person handled their problems differently and Wendy took it a little harder than the rest. Her friends’ support and acceptance were a major part in Wendy’s healing too and Irene remembered fondly of how excited Wendy was when they met soon after she talked to her friends. Her hands were shaking, overwhelmed by emotions and the shine in her eyes that Irene had not seen for a long time was back.

 

When Irene held her trembling hands, Wendy calmed down considerably and shot a shy smile at Irene. Irene wished she had a camera then so that she could remember Wendy’s face forever but she stored it in her mind and that became her own personal talisman, a calming picture whenever she was having tough days.

 

Wendy was walking to a better place step by step and Irene was there by her side throughout the journey. Wendy had even introduced Irene to her friends and when they teased Wendy about Irene being her girlfriend, the girl just shrugged it off without confirming or denying it. It was embarrassing to admit how hopeful Irene was because of this.

 

However, the one thing she was concerned about was the fact that Wendy still avoided Seulgi and Joy.

 

It was understandable then when she saw Wendy walking towards Seulgi during their graduation day, she almost lost her resolve to formally ask Wendy to be her girlfriend that day and just left but she forced herself to remain and trusted Wendy. While she was watching both of them from far away, her mind wandered to the time she first met Wendy.

 

When Irene first saw Wendy, the younger girl was 14 and Irene was 17. Irene was walking home from school when she noticed a girl running beside her, laughing raucously while being chased by her friends. One of them was holding a harmless kitten and by the look of it, Wendy was scared by the kitten. When her friends noticed Irene, they scampered away as Irene was their senior who was known as having a cold face. Irene was not sure what was it about her face that scared people away but she was glad as it fended off quite a handful of admirers.

 

Irene focused on the hunched small girl that was panting in front of her. Wendy was wearing her school’s uniform, but Irene had never seen her around. Irene was a little surprised when Wendy straightened her back and grinned toothily at her.

 

“Hi, Irene sunbaenim! Do you live around this area?”

 

Irene nodded dumbly before she frowned. It was stupid of her to tell a stranger about her residence and Wendy, sensing this, hastily added.

 

“I’m not a weird person! I’m your school junior. See this uniform.”

 

Wendy gestured to herself and Irene’s tensed figure relaxed considerably. Wendy realized this and she grinned again.

 

“My name’s Wendy. Nice to talk to you. See you around!”

 

Then she turned around and ran to where her friends were. Irene was dumbfounded but she kept on watching Wendy, wondering how the girl knew her name. She looked as Wendy reunited with her group of friends and was chased around again and she let a smile crept on her face.

 

Seeing the girl again sounded like a good idea.

 

* * *

 

Irene saw Wendy in school a few times after that but the younger girl had never greeted her again. She was more disappointed than she thought but she accepted that they were merely strangers and moved on, until one day she was about to enter her dance club’s studio and saw Wendy walking out from it, her face flushed. Wendy did not seem to notice Irene and when she entered the room, she was greeted by the sight of a flabbergasted Seulgi, her dance club junior.

 

“…Sseul?”

 

“Un-unnie…”

 

Irene was worried since usually Seulgi would be the earliest to arrive and then greeted everyone after her with a smile. But this Seulgi appeared to be…blushing?

 

“She confessed to me. Then…then we kissed.”

 

There was a soft pang in Irene’s heart and she pretended that she did not feel it. She slapped Seulgi’s back lightly and told her to chase after Wendy and to just skip the day’s practice, as she was sure Seulgi would not be able to focus anyway. She congratulated her junior and waved her with a smile as Seulgi clumsily packed all of her stuffs and thanked Irene before rushing out of the room to look for Wendy.

 

After Seulgi was gone, Irene dropped her waving hand and turned on the practice radio out loud. She need to silence her thoughts and silenced her heart’s yearning and so she started to dance away, ignoring the day’s practice as she tuned in to her own rhythm.

 

* * *

 

“I wonder when will I be able to introduce you and Wendy to each other.”

 

Seulgi said this during one of their practice sessions and Irene raised her eyebrows.

 

“I think Wendy knows me.”

 

“She does, unnie. But she said you’re too pretty, so she’s shy to approach you.”

 

“What? That’s ridiculous.”

 

Irene shook her head and frowned. Was this the reason why Wendy pretended not to know her all these time? So Wendy avoided her like a plague because she was…beautiful?

 

“I know. I told her to think that you look like a toad every time, probably it would make it easier for her to talk to you.”

 

“Yah, Kang Seulgi!”

 

Irene took the towel that was wrapped around her neck and started to jokingly hit Seulgi with it. Seulgi laughed and ran around the dance studio.

 

“Don’t hit me! I’m just joking! For real though unnie, I wish my favourite sunbae and my girlfriend can get along so that we can hang out together.”

 

“It’s alright, Seulgi. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

 

That was the end of the conversation, but until the day Irene graduated school, Seulgi never got the chance to let her girlfriend and senior to sit around the same table and talked to each other. Irene was thankful of this but she was also a little disappointed.

 

But what was meant to be will be.

 

* * *

 

Irene had a foreboding that something bad was going to happen, though she was not sure what it was. She was on her way to the school’s dance studio after she was done with her college classes. She had promised to teach some juniors of a new girl group’s dance. One of her classes was cancelled so she got to be there earlier than usual.

 

When she stepped in the studio, she was not expecting anyone to be there. Imagine her surprise when she witnessed her favourite junior was kissing someone she did not recognize. The other girl noticed her presence and pushed Seulgi away before running out of the studio. Seulgi was bewildered and her face paled when she saw Irene watching her.

 

Irene stomped over to Seulgi angrily and when she stood in front of her junior, she could see the fear and resignation in Seulgi’s face.

 

“What did I see just now?”

 

“Unnie, I can explain.”

 

“Explain?! You are cheating on your girlfriend, Seulgi! Is this how you treat someone you love?”

 

“Unnie, please, listen to me.”

 

“Who was the one who told me she couldn’t live without Wendy? That she would cherish Wendy until the last of her breath? The one who promised to love Wendy forevermore? Who?!”

 

“I stopped, okay!”

 

Irene who was shouting at Seulgi was taken aback by this. The younger girl did not meet her eyes as she spoke.

 

“I just stopped loving Wendy. It didn’t feel the same anymore. I’m scared to break up with her, but I can’t do it anymore.”

 

Her voice was filled with anguish but that did not calm the anger in Irene’s heart.

 

“Then go and break up with her.”

 

“Unnie, I can’t. It will break her.”

 

“Then you will rather continue your relationship based on lies? A relationship that everyone will mock her for being in, without her even knowing it?”

 

“….You never talked to her, unnie. Why do you care about her so much?”

 

“Maybe I care about making sure that my junior, who’s like my little sister is not making a mistake she will regret for the rest of her life.”

 

Or maybe Irene was broken with the thoughts of Wendy, waiting for goodnight wishes from Seulgi every night but had to be contented with counting the stars until she fell asleep.

 

Seulgi fell silence at this for a long time before she eventually nodded. She stood up and spoke resignedly.

 

“I’ll tell her the truth. I’ll break up with her. But unnie…watch over her, somehow, alright? I think she’ll hate me after this. But she may still want to talk to you.”

 

Ironic, since Wendy and Irene had never talked to each other in the first place but Irene nodded, knowing that Seulgi needed assurance to calm her guilt and gave her the push she needed to do what she had to.

 

After Seulgi left, Irene’s legs gave away and she crouched, crying over the death of the bright girl that she used to know, even when it had not happened yet.

 

* * *

 

“Irene, do you know that girl?”

 

Chorong’s voice startled Irene from arranging the new stock of drinks in the refrigerator. She had goosebumps since she was sure it was past midnight, so which girl was Chorong talking about? Irene raised her head and her eyes trailed to the direction Chorong was gesturing…and she saw a petite girl wearing a baby blue long sleeve shirt and a pair of jogging trousers walking in front of the convenience store. Irene was concerned since the girl seemed to be walking towards the direction of her old school but her eyes widened when she realized who the girl was.

 

Irene stood up suddenly and it was Chorong’s turn to be startled. She took off her convenience store apron while being watched by a frowning Chorong.

 

“Irene?”

 

“Park, I have to go and see this girl. I think I know her. Cover for me alright? I’m so sorry. Lock the door and only let someone in if you’re sure they’re not suspicious. Call me if anything happens.”

 

Irene spoke urgently and Chorong nodded; she understood the normal procedure when female employees worked alone but she could not understand why her friend panicked.

 

“Sure, Rene. But who’s that?”

 

“Wendy. The junior I told you about.”

 

When Chorong heard Irene’s answer, she could not blame her best friend for running after the girl. It was after all, an improvement from only chasing shadow all these years.

 

* * *

 

Irene saw Wendy walking inside the school building but she stayed outside. She was starting to regret her decision to follow Wendy but she reasoned that she did so because of Seulgi’s request.

 

She had seen Wendy around during her regular visits to the school and the girl seemed to walk around lifelessly. Seulgi had informed Irene that Wendy attended school as usual but she did not seem to do much more than that. She was not even in good terms with her friends and Seulgi could not be sure whether they knew that Wendy and her had broken up.

 

Seulgi’s voice was laced with pain and Irene could hear the accusation behind it, blaming Irene for Wendy’s change. Irene accepted the accusation calmly, knowing that Seulgi just needed to shift her guilt to someone else. They almost argued that day, when Irene told Seulgi to just cherish and focus on Joy instead of pining over her ex-girlfriend’s wellbeing. Irene just did not want Seulgi to have any more regrets but it caused a strain in their senior-junior relationship.

 

Probably she was overreacting about the whole situation. Maybe she was too concerned about Wendy, she resorted to being a stalker. Perhaps Wendy’s unhappiness was not as severe as she thought. Irene was about to turn and walked away when she felt compelled to look up and there, she saw a figure standing on the ledge of the rooftop.

 

Irene had never ran as fast as she did that night as she made her way to the rooftop, praying along the way that Wendy would be safe.

 

 

“Irene unnie comes here for you?”

 

Wendy briefly shifted her look from Seulgi to Irene who appeared to be spacing out before she turned around and nodded. Seulgi nodded at this affirmation, her face betrayed no emotions but Wendy knew she had been meaning to ask the question ever since the graduation ceremony began.

 

“Urm, are you guys together now? I think Irene unnie will take a great care of you. She’s a good person.”

 

Wendy could sense the tone of regret in Seulgi’s voice but she chose to focus on a more pressing matter instead of answering the question.

 

“Seulgi, did you ever love me?”

 

Seulgi seemed taken aback by the sudden question but she composed herself and nodded.

 

“I did.”

 

“Then, why did you stop?”

 

“I…I don’t know. It’s like, day after day, it just didn't feel the same like when we first got together. And then, Joy came into my life and I didn’t know how to love you anymore.”

 

Seulgi whispered the last part but Wendy was able to hear it. Surprisingly, it did not hurt as much as she thought it would. While there was a slight pang of pain, the thought of Seulgi being with someone else did not twist her gut like it used to.

 

“Did my depression contribute to you leaving me?”

 

“Wendy, when I loved you, I loved every single part of you. Your smile, your pain, your tears, your perfection and your imperfections. What was depression but just a part of you? I loved you as a whole. It was tough at times, I won’t deny that but you were worth the fight then.”

 

Wendy understood.

 

“Until suddenly I wasn’t.”

 

Seulgi did not need to affirm it with words or actions. She just stared at Wendy and Wendy understood that some people met and left a mark on your life, just to teach you something important. People might fall out of love but that did not mean they had never loved. And love meant to accept every single part of the person you loved; but at the same time cheering them and inspiring them to become a better person.

 

They parted with a handshake and exchanged polite smiles. Then Seulgi walked over to where Joy was waiting for her with a hug and her own bouquet of flowers at hand and Wendy stood where she was, looking at Irene and her own family.

 

Seunghee came with her parents; she wanted to be there for her sister’s graduation day. She arrived the day before and Wendy had cried and told her everything that happened ever since her sister had been gone. She expected Seunghee to be disappointed with her but her sister just stroked her hair lovingly and with tears in both of their eyes, Seunghee told her that she was not alone. Wendy always felt so alone because she felt like she was undeserving of the love that was offered to her. She turned her back on the people who cared because she thought she was not good enough for anyone. Seunghee told her that she would always be there for Wendy and Wendy should fight; she should give it her best shot and not give in halfway. When she was tired, she always had a resting place to fall back to.

 

She watched Irene who was staring blankly at the ground and thought about how thankful she was of the older girl’s presence in her life. She had never thought that a simple ‘hi’ on a random day could lead her to one of the most important people in her life currently. Such was the fate written on her star. If she did not greet Irene on that day, would they come this far? And would she even be alive today?

 

There could be so many questions on missed opportunities but this was one opportunity Wendy had managed to snatch, and she would always be thankful for it. Irene turned her life around and there were days when it was hard for both of them, it was not easy to recover from something that had been a part of her for so long. However, Irene took it all in a stride and stayed strong for the both of them. She had never given up on Wendy and this encouraged Wendy to keep on going, to grow stronger.

 

Wendy was starting to see that none of the stars were never really alone.

 

* * *

 

“You accept the love you think you deserve.”

 

Irene had said this during one of their usual hang out sessions and Wendy smirked at the older girl.

 

“Isn’t that from ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’? Tsk, tsk. How disappointing. I thought you will be more creative than this, unnie.”

 

Irene pinched Wendy lightly and the younger girl let out a scream and laughed loudly. Irene smiled lovingly at her before she continued, her face and voice became more serious this time.

 

“Please think that you deserve my love, Wendy. You deserve this and more. There are so many people who love you, you have to realize that you’re never alone. I’ll be right beside you through every painful step and if you need a place to rest, I’m always there. Only you can heal yourself, but I’ll be right beside you as you patch yourself piece by piece.”

 

Wendy could feel Irene’s sincerity from her words and she mulled Irene’s words in her mind before she finally nodded.

 

“I understand, Charlie unnie.”

 

There was another shriek of laughter as Irene moved to tickle Wendy. With Irene, Wendy did not wish for the night to come as fast as she usually did.

 

* * *

 

Wendy waved to her family and gestured towards Irene’s direction. Her parents just smiled and nodded while Seunghee beamed at her little sister. All of them knew Irene, and they were all aware of Irene’s involvement in helping Wendy to heal. Yet, Wendy did not formally introduce Irene to them yet. Her parents had been nagging her about it and Seunghee never stopped teasing her about Irene since yesterday. Wendy figured she would go crazy soon if she still kept Irene all to herself.

 

Wendy walked over to where Irene was and called her name gently. Irene was snapped back to reality and the older girl seemed shy as she handed the flowers she was holding to Wendy. Wendy accepted the bouquet graciously, smiling as the flowers fragrance reached her. She thanked Irene with a kiss on the cheek and the older girl grinned happily.

 

They chatted about the graduation ceremony and Wendy tried to hold back her laughter as Irene fidgeted. It was obvious that she had something else on mind but Wendy decided to not make it easy for her. She would wait until Irene was the one who breached the topic. True enough, Irene crumbled down and asked her the question that was on her mind.

 

“So, Seulgi.”

 

“Uh huh. What about her? Don’t you think she looks pretty today?”

 

“Well, yeah, she’s always pretty. But that’s not the point.”

 

“I thought living is about admiring the beautiful things in life.”

 

Irene snorted at this and Wendy giggled. She would never make things easy for Irene but thankfully, the older girl had long known that.

 

“Yeah, sure. Go and admire the great and beautiful Kang Seulgi. I’ll just lounge around here while you talk and admire each other’s beauty and…”

 

Irene was rambling now and Wendy poked her stomach to get her to stop. As a retort, Irene huffed and crossed her arms.

 

“I went to give her something we both need.”

 

“Something you both…need?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Irene appeared to be confused now.

 

“…love?”

 

Wendy doubled back in laughter at this while Irene scratched her cheek in embarrassment.

 

“Unnie! This is what you get from being cheesy with me all the time!”

 

“Can’t help it if you’re too adorable.”

 

A warm and fuzzy feelings washed over Wendy for a moment but she shook herself out of it. She came to see Irene with a mission, and she intended to fulfil the mission.

 

“I went to give her and myself a closure. It’s something that we both need in order to move on.”

 

“That’s…very mature of you. I’m proud of you.”

 

“Thanks, I need to be so, since I’m gonna be dating an old person sometime in the future.”

 

Wendy muttered under her breath and Irene missed it. Irene blinked in confusion.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing. The scars are fading.”

 

Wendy quickly changed the topic and Irene got distracted.

 

“Oh?”

 

Wendy hummed and lifted the hand sleeve of her dress slightly, showing Irene the fading scars. Irene held Wendy’s arm and traced the marks gently, caressing Wendy’s fair skin and the action sent tingles to her brain and the butterflies in her stomach erupted. Wendy pulled her arm away from Irene and continued talking.

 

“Seunghee unnie recommended some products. It’s working, but I don’t think I want them to disappear completely.”

 

“But why?”

 

Irene frowned as she listened to this and Wendy smiled slightly, her fingers moving to soothe the frown forming on Irene’s forehead.

 

“Just as a reminder of the hell that I’ve escaped. I need to remind myself so that I will not fall into that chasm again. It’s my battle scar, I don’t have to be ashamed of it.”

 

Wendy’s words touched Irene’s heart. She found herself nodding and Wendy had to hold back a smile from looking at how cute Irene was acting.

 

“Soooo…”

 

Wendy started and Irene paid attention on the younger girl again.

 

“Hurm?”

 

“Hi Irene sunbaenim. Fancy seeing you here.”

 

Irene mouth fell at the sudden change of topic before her mind kickstarted and realized what Wendy was trying to do. A smile was threatening to spill from her lips but she held it back. Wendy brought her face closer to Irene.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not a weird person.”

 

Wendy’s voice came in a whisper that rang clearly in Irene’s ears and she let out the smile that she had been holding. She slowly closed the distance between their faces.

 

“I know.”

 

They kissed.

 

And Wendy was sure that she had found the constellation she belonged to then.

 

**THE END**

 


End file.
